The Target Conspiracy

I think Target is trying to do me in. 

Here's a scene that happens more often than I care to admit:  I wake up early-ish on a day off.  "You know what would be awesome?" I say to myself.  "Coffee and fabric shopping!"  "You're a genius," I reply, because it's totally ok to talk to yourself.  And so off I go to have an overpriced coffee beverage and scrounge the sale racks at Hancock's for linen.  Coffee acquired, I find that the fabric store doesn't open for 20-30 minutes.  Whatever shall I do?  Oh look, Target's right there.  I could go and browse for a few minutes before Hancock's opens.  Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan.  And that's exactly what they want you to think!

That very scenario is how I wound up with Millennium Falcon, Green Lantern, and Ramone's t-shirts, because I'm awesome like that.  So I was in Target recently with my friend, Enoch, who is my enabler in this sort of situation.

Enoch: Ooh, look!  They have Pink Floyd pajama pants.

Me: I don't need those.

Enoch: Why not?  That's exactly the kind of thing you need.

Me: Guess.

Enoch: Because you already have Pink Floyd pajama pants.

Me: BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE PINK FLOYD PAJAMA PANTS!

I got them at Target.  Don't judge me.  I have a problem.

I eventually left Target $71 later, but now I have Saved by the Bell underpants. 

Saved by the Bell.  Underpants. 

How did Target know I needed these?

Lesson 14:  You need Saved by the Bell underpants.  Also Ninja Turtle panties.  Because inside, you're twelve.