Saturday, April 7, 2012

Hot Nerd Love

First, let me just state for the record that I'm a giant nerd.  A math-doing, Dungeons & Dragons playing, W00tstock attending, Monty Python quoting, Sci-Fi reading, Faire going, SCA Lady.  I refuse to acknowledge Star Wars episodes I-III exist and maintain to this day that Han shot first.  Even my beer drinking gets a scientific approach, but more on that later.

There are some myths about dating nerds that have been floating around for awhile now, and as a nerd myself I feel like I should address them.

The first is that non-nerd women should consider dating nerdy men because the nerdy guy will be so amazingly happy that a woman is letting him touch her that he will be supremely grateful and treat her like a queen.  This enthusiasm will of course transfer over to the bedroom and he will put forth more effort than a "regular" guy into satisfying his philanthropic lover. I'm not going to really do a point-by-point debunk of this because the theories seem to have been created by people who have never actually allowed a nerd to touch them.

I've been dating nerds for about 20 years now (holy crap! Am I that old?) beginning with Edward the trombone playing Boy Scout.  Most every guy I've dated since has been a gamer (computer or table top), IT guy, band nerd, Rennie, and/or SCAdian.  I consider myself an expert on nerd love.

The thing is: Most nerds are no different than non-nerds.  Some of them are considerate.  Some are douche-canoes.  Some really know their way around a woman's body.  And some couldn't satisfy a woman if you made them an algorithm and annotated diagram.

In the interest of full disclosure and to give you the hot nerd love promised in the title, I'll go ahead and detail the extremes of the spectrum.  Yes, these are totally stereotypical, but that's part of the fun.  Go ahead and blow up the comments section with your angry rants.

First, the Alpha Nerd.  He probably runs your D&D game.  In his teens and early 20's he holds court at game night at the local comic book store.  He either has a long-suffering girlfriend he regularly cheats on or has never been tied down to one girl and hooks up with whoever strikes his fancy on a particular day.  Either one will rock your Casbah.  They're good and they know it.  Take them to a gaming convention, Rennaisance Faire, or SCA event and they'll need to install a revolving door to their pants.  Fawkes from The Guild is a great example of this.

I hate that I want to do bad bad things to him.

On the other end of the spectrum is the Socially Awkward Basement Dweller.  He's probably had the same job since high school, though his dream job is to work at the comic book store.  If he's had a girlfriend, she was in high school and he'd just graduated and could buy her cigarettes and get her into R rated movies.  They're frequently sloppy kissers and clumsy ineffective lovers.  Check out Stuart the comic book store owner from The Big Bang Theory as a prime example.
The most attractive man on all non-Wheaton episodes of The Big Bang Theory
The flip side of the Nerd Love coin is the Geek Girl.  Popular opinion is that since their hobbies are male dominated, they have hordes of geeky dudes competing for their affections.  My male friends seem to think I must have hordes of single men breaking down my door because "ZOMG!  You make yummy cupcakes, drink beer, and play Dungeons & Dragons!"  If only.  The funny thing is that most of the men saying this to me are married to uptight chardonay swilling hags who won't let them out of the house to play D&D with their friends.  It turns out, men want a nerdy woman, but not one who's nerdier than they are.  I'm pretty epicly nerdy, so finding a nerdier dude is a tricky proposition, especially when they all got married off to mundanes years ago. 
This is what the internet thinks girl gamers do.
A few years ago, I was talking to a biracial friend of mine about nerds and relationships.  During a rant, I stated that I was firmly opposed to mixed marriages.  Just as I was about to have a very angry Marine on my hands, he realized I meant nerds/normals not different races.  I'm still amused by this.

Rule #3 Nerds should stick to their own kind.


  1. My, I have dated a lot of nerds. This post just sent me though a quick flashback. Guess I can see why my friends think my taste in men is too obvious.
    Anyway, kudos for writing this! I totally agree about nerds being like any other people with their gut wrenching extremes and muddled midsection.
    I have one addition though, and feel free do dispute: Among nerds you find a larger percentage of people who wants to do freakishly (delightfully) perverted things to you in bed. Of course these people exist everywhere, but they seem to be more concentrated in the nerdy area. I am convinced this has to do with the nerds being affected by all the oddities of the Internet and them generally having very imaginative minds.

    1. I definitely find nerdy dudes to be more creative in the bedroom. If they're willing to go against the norm in their day to day life, why shouldn't it extend to that area as well?

  2. My dating experience is limited, but I can say that I was at my happiest when I found someone as geeky as I was. Dating non geeks made me feel like I was in the closet, dating a mild geek was better, but not enough because he didn't understand my Rp addiction and other fascinations. Finding someone who geeked out hard on almost all of my topics and then some was wonderful because he got my random off hand references and I felt I could be completely myself. That also made other areas (the bedroom) much more fun too.

    I have a lot of geek male friends who are single and I just want them all to find geek girls because I can't stand losing my geek guy friends to mundane women who won't let them come out and play.