After stocking up on bacon band-aids, we went to the Halloween store and I discovered that I'm old. I came to this realization while wandering around aisles filled with sexy nurses and slutty vampires. You know, the usual.
And then I stumbled across a few things that lead me to believe that the whole "slutty X" costume genre has really gotten out of hand.
Exhibit A, slutty Pikachu:
Exhibit B, slutty Nemo:
You'd think that the sexy fish costume would be the worst thing I saw, but you'd be terribly mistaken. I present to you Exhibit C, sexy Beetlejuice:
This is the costume that made me have to leave the store. Sexy Goddamn Beetlejuice! Are you kidding me?!?! Anyone old enough to know recognize this costume is too old to wear it. And anyone young enough to wear it is far too young to be hit on at a costume party by anyone old enough to recognize it.
You know what I'm going to be for Halloween this year. Spinelli from Recess. Not slutty Spinelli. Just regular freakin' Spinelli from Recess. And I'm going to be damn cute!
Lesson 15: Go ahead and be a big ol' slut for Halloween, just avoid dressing like a fish or Michael Keaton.