I think Target is trying to do me in.
Here's a scene that happens more often than I care to admit: I wake up early-ish on a day off. "You know what would be awesome?" I say to myself. "Coffee and fabric shopping!" "You're a genius," I reply, because it's totally ok to talk to yourself. And so off I go to have an overpriced coffee beverage and scrounge the sale racks at Hancock's for linen. Coffee acquired, I find that the fabric store doesn't open for 20-30 minutes. Whatever shall I do? Oh look, Target's right there. I could go and browse for a few minutes before Hancock's opens. Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan. And that's exactly what they want you to think!
That very scenario is how I wound up with Millennium Falcon, Green Lantern, and Ramone's t-shirts, because I'm awesome like that. So I was in Target recently with my friend, Enoch, who is my enabler in this sort of situation.
Enoch: Ooh, look! They have Pink Floyd pajama pants.
Me: I don't need those.
Enoch: Why not? That's exactly the kind of thing you need.
Enoch: Because you already have Pink Floyd pajama pants.
Me: BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE PINK FLOYD PAJAMA PANTS!
I got them at Target. Don't judge me. I have a problem.
I eventually left Target $71 later, but now I have Saved by the Bell underpants.
Saved by the Bell. Underpants.
How did Target know I needed these?
Lesson 14: You need Saved by the Bell underpants. Also Ninja Turtle panties. Because inside, you're twelve.